How to stop Swine Flu Infection

I thought I should give a public announcement on how best to stop the spread of Swine Flu. Hopefully this will quell some of the crazy panic I have seen on this issue

1. Wash your hands every time you go to the toilet (this is common-sense 101, people!

2. Use a tissue every time you cough or sneeze. Dispose of tissue hygienically.

3. Avoid touching your nose or mouth... your sweet sensuous mouth (no.. stop it! leave it alone!)

4. If you see an infected person cut off their head or destroy the brain. I repeat, remove the head or destroy the brain

Wait... is that Swine Flu or Zombies... hmmm

Either way, I have my Medical Issue Shotgun and Anti-Swine Flu Axe, a truck full of tinned food and an impregnable bolt hole to weather the crisis.

Those of you that I deem useful will be contacted soon. The rest of you are on your own!

Be Alert, Not Alarmed.. and swing for the neck!